My dog "Pug" passed away on August 28th 2005...one day before his 11th
birthday. He was half Shar Pei and half Rottweiler. He had cancer and I had
asked the vet for a few days to say good-bye to him. I didn't know how I
was ever going to let him go. I loved him dearly and still do. Before I was
ready to say good-bye, he left. He passed away one Sunday morning. I'm still
deep in the grieving process and don't know how to move on. I wrote this
poem for him and I hope he understands why I couldn't let him go.
For Pug......Letting You Go
You came to me when you were one month old
I kept you safe and sheltered from the cold.
You were so eager to please and so very smart
The moment I saw you, you owned my heart.
"You're the love of my life" I'd whisper in your little ears.
You were by my side for eleven short years.
I watched you grow old......and then so very ill.
I couldn't let go, I held on to you still.
I needed time to learn to live without you
But during this time, you were suffering too.
You suffered so much and it didn't have to be
I was the one who could have set you free.
It should have been me to bear the pain
Instead of hoping for any time I might gain
If I could go back you know I would
I would then do things the way that I should.
We'd make that last drive with you by my side.
I'd hold you close to me while you died.
I guess you knew I wasn't that strong
Or maybe you just couldn't wait that long.
So the decision to go you took from me
One Sunday morning you set yourself free.
My tears keep coming in a never-ending flow.
My grief and remorse still continue to grow.
I wanted you to feel safe from that first day till you were grown
But in the end I failed and you died alone.
You're at peace now, your pain is done.
I hope for peace but for me there is none.
Please forgive me for not letting you go
I never wanted you to suffer, I hope you know.
I just wasn't ready to say good-bye
Or to make the decision to let you die.
I'm glad that you are finally free
If one of us must suffer, I'd rather it be me.
Everyone tells me it's time to move on
That's hard to do with you gone.
After all you and I went through, this I know...
I'll never be ready to let you go.
You may be gone but you still own my heart
Just like you did from the very start.
I love and miss you, Pug!
Love,
Mommy
